7 of the worst crimes ever committed against beer

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7 of the worst crimes ever committed against beer

Beer + Breweries

7 of the worst crimes ever committed against beer

“He was a wise man who invented beer,” is a quote that is often attributed to Plato, but – unless Plato started printing t-shirts in the mid-1990s – there’s no chance that he actually said that. Regardless of who started putting those words into a Greek philosopher’s mouth, we’d argue that it’s a statement that’s only true to a point.

It might’ve been a wise man who invented beer but, in the centuries that have passed since its origin, there have been some truly stupid things done to it. Whether it’s dying each pint green for St. Patrick’s Day or combining beer with glitter (or, in the case of one Fresno-based abomination, doing both of those things), there seems to be no limit to the ways that some brewers are willing to desecrate a beverage that was, at one point, a good idea. Here are seven of the worst offenders we’ve seen.

Rogue Voodoo Donut Maple Ale

On a Reddit thread titled “Worst beer you’ve ever had?” one of the top (or bottom) vote-getters was this offering from Oregon’s Rogue Ales. “In my humble opinion, as someone in the craft beer industry, it tastes like the breath from a mouth-breather who ate peanut butter and Skittles, then slept for a few hours to let it ruminate… and then vomited it all over you,” one commenter wrote. Another said that a local craft brewer used it as an example in his home-brewing class “to prove that while you can do anything, you shouldn’t do some things.”

BrewDog End of History

Let’s ignore, for a sec, that this extremely limited-release brew came with a $20,000 price tag, look past its record-setting 55% ABV, and instead focus on the fact that it was served inside a taxidermy squirrel. “We wanted to do something that was at the same time beautiful and disturbing, something that made a statement and tried to make people stop and think about all of the possibilities that beer actually has,” BrewDog co-founder James Watt told MUNCHIES. So now that we know that you can drink it from a dead animal, let’s never speak of it again.

Tom Seefurth’s Mama Mia! Pizza Beer

 “The Margarita pizza is put into the mash & steeped like a tea bag. A whole wheat crust made with water, flour & yeast is topped with tomato, oregano, basil & garlic,” Seefurth explains on the beer’s website. “The essence of the pizza spices is washed off with hot water and filtered into a brewpot, where it is boiled for a long, long time […] After a week or two, the beer is good to go.” The beer might be ready to go, but under no circumstances would anyone call this “good.”

Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer

According to one Punch writer, this beer had the lowest-ever score on Beer Advocate, RateBeer scored it a perfect zero, “and it was, and still is, the worst beer [he’s] ever tasted.” This beer is made by steeping a serrano chile peppers in each bottle and it’s so rancid, even the founder said he couldn’t drink a six-pack of it.

Rogue Ales Beard Beer

Oh hey, it’s Rogue again. This beer was made with yeast that was produced by a few hairs plucked from brewmaster John Maier’s “34-year-old beard.” Although one Food & Wine reviewer described it as “a mild mannered ale with blessedly few quirks,” hair yeast is a bigger quirk than we’d be willing to swirl around our mouths.

Wynkoop Brewing Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout

 True to this beer’s name, the Wynkoop Brewing Company is located in Denver, Colorado and, true to this beer’s name, it’s made from “Colorado base malts, roasted barley, seven specialty malts, Styrian Goldings hops, and 25 pounds of freshly sliced and roasted bull testicles.” No. No. Nonononono. No.

7. Natural Light: Just in general.

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